I’ve always been a worrier….if it was an Olympic sport; I’d win the gold, silver and bronze medals.
Throughout my life I’ve been anxious about the usual things – exam results, interviews, medical test results and sometimes about work too. If I had a deadline approaching or a particularly tricky problem to solve but never about going to work.
I’ve had a mix of good and bad managers over the years, who hasn’t?! I’ve always managed to psyche myself up, give myself a talking to and get on with it and it’s been fine. Until now…
I just can’t do it. I’ve got myself organised; alarm set, lunch made, clothes looked out but this morning I just couldn’t. My heart was racing, I felt sick, I was sweating and couldn’t calm myself down. Simple tasks felt like they were taking an eternity and were beyond me. My GP was brilliant and very supportive….I’d be lost without them at the moment, not to mention my boyfriend and family.
Now, nearly a week later I’m still feeling anxious. My sleep isn’t great at the best of times, I find myself wide awake till midnight or 1am and awake again from anywhere between 5am and 8am. Other times it is closer to 11am.
My anxiety is also impacting other areas of my life….I wake up feeling anxious and really have to force myself to focus on the present moment. I find using my senses helps, i.e, 5 things I can see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I can hear, 2 things I can smell and 1 thing I can taste. Walking is also good as I can concentrate on which foot I’m stepping forward on or the plants, trees, flowers I see. It also benefits my ongoing weight loss – 8 pounds to date.
I need to conquer this….I need to get back to feeling like me again. Medication is not the answer….I take enough as it is. I need to keep on walking and applying for other jobs. Its time for a change and I definitely need to change my environment. Its been a long time since I updated my CV, but that’s where I’ll start…time for a new life to really begin at 40!