I’ve felt a bit off today, a bit stressed and anxious but nothing I can really put my finger on. My sleep hasn’t been great for a few weeks which doesn’t help, but then I’ve never been a great sleeper anyway. The milk was sour this morning but it is summer so it happens and it’s easily replaced. I decided to get some fresh air to clear my head and follow the advice of the medical professionals whose care I am currently under.
I said goodbye to my cat who was dozing on the sofa, pulled on my trainers and pulled the door closed behind me….only to realise that my keys were still inside. Sigh! All was not lost, I had my mobile so called a locksmith who very quickly – within seconds – had me back inside and out of the rain….of course it rained, it’s summer in Ireland after all!! So after trying to avoid taking medication to calm me down, I did take a Xanax to calm me. A cup of tea (with fresh milk) just wasn’t going to cut it this afternoon.
I know that avoiding a problem is no way to solve it but right now, I’m not ready to leave my bubble. It feels safe in here. If locking myself out causes me so much stress, how on earth can I return to reality and work with all its stresses and difficulties currently?
I am trying to be positive and look on the bright side. Starting with my thinking. I’m a strong independent woman. I have lots of different skills and abilities and am working hard to get my confidence level back up. Its taken a bit of battering professionally and I hadn’t fully understood how much it has affected me.
I also have the most amazingly supportive boyfriend, family and friends who have my back. My boyfriend isn’t seeing the best of me at the moment, I want to get me back not only for me but for him. We have a bright future ahead of us and I want to be fully immersed in it with him.
I found today stressful, but I survived and ultimately its not the end of the world. I will get the better of my anxiety and I will find the courage to tackle the difficulties at work….but just not yet.