Anxiety is winning today

The image I have in my head is of arm wrestling contest. I’m trying to win so hard, the tendons and muscles in my arm are straining with the effort but anxiety is too strong and is kicking my butt. To use a boxing analogy, today my anxiety has me on the ropes.

I feel sick to my stomach, I’m sweating, my mouth is dry and I can feel my heart racing. My cat miaowed at me and I jumped….its ridiculous. All he was doing was letting me know he was coming upstairs to me. A total overreaction on my part, but there it is.

I’ve tried wearing a new top, wearing my favourite necklace, spending time with my amazing boyfriend, having a treat of a chocolate brioche for breakfast, using my senses and eventually I resorted to medication. I don’t like taking medication but there was no way I’d have been able to get out the door without it today. Nothing was working.

I feel like I’m getting worse rather than better. I feel so debilitated by my anxiety. I know feelings come and go, I just need to be patient waiting for this to pass. I feel like an emotional mess…I’m struggling with my feelings and how to work through them, I’m nowhere near ready to go back to work yet.

On a positive note, HR are being really supportive and have lifted a weight from my mind. Progress is being made. It may be slow but its a step in the right direction. I just need to be kind to myself and keep on going….this too shall pass.

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