So as that magical day at the end of the month approaches (pay day), this month I am not looking forward to it. I look forward to pay day every month. I love seeing my bank balance look healthy and in the black – no matter how briefly – before the bill payments and other debits that I deem necessary reduce my balance to where I am now….on the countdown and in the red. Anxious is an understatement.
This month however is different as I am on sick leave. I’m dreading pay day and my anxiety is having a field day. This month I have no idea how much or little I’ll get paid. I have had my weekly sickness pay from the state which, whilst trying to be thrifty, I confess I have mostly spent. I have advised my employer of these payments and they in turn will deduct them from my salary, thus ensuring my tax contributions are correct. This leaves me wondering and worrying how unhealthy my bank balance will look. It also leaves me kicking myself for having spent so freely and living for the moment as I have. I’m an expert at self- sabotage.
It was not all frivolity though. This past month since my last pay day has seen me visiting consultants for my health and buying additional medications as they have been prescribed to me. Being healthy doesn’t come cheap. It’s far quicker to get an appointment if you go private, so that is what I have done. If you can, you pay your money and are seen quickly. On the public list for the same consultants, I’d be waiting years….
Money management isn’t a new thing for me. I’ve been paid monthly ever since I started working…with the exception of when I was waitressing as a student. I live like a king for the first week, then spend the rest of the month trying to get to pay day again. I’m not totally irresponsible though, I’ve always paid into a private pension and I pay for my health insurance too. It has been a sensible investment and I’d have been lost without it. Somehow, I just can’t make my pay stretch all month and as for saving, forget about it!
Except this month, I don’t want to forget about it. I’m nearly 40. I have financial desires that I am not achieving. Whilst lovely, daydreaming about winning the lottery is not reality. It’s fantasy. I need to get real. I don’t know if I will be able to cover my outgoings this month, that’s before buying food or my medication. I’m nearly 40 and still paying back my student loans from 20 years ago. I have a credit card with a balance and an overdraft. I’m costing myself money!!!
So, it is time to change my attitude to money and curb my reckless spending habits. Time to be more sensible. Once I get through this month, I need to reduce my debts and then start saving. I want to be a homeowner and a mother. I can afford neither right now. It’s time to grow up and be more financially responsible. Time to be sassy and sensible!
My money mantra going forward will now be: Do I need it? Will I use it? Can I afford it? If the answer is no, I don’t buy it.